Firstly, and importantly, my sabbatical allowed me the time to slow down to be with God.

Being away from the day-to-day parish ministry enabled me to see how active I had been ‘doing things for God’.

Much of this I hope was good work!

And I like ‘doing’.

But a major thing I heard God say through prayer, scripture and other people, was… “slow down and let me sort out your inner life”.

I suppose I was giving 80% of my time to ‘doing’, and 20% maximum to just ‘being’. I know that I can function like that. I have loads of energy and enthusiasm… but it’s hard to sustain, and it might not bring about lasting fruit.

Time away on retreat and reading books such as the often recommended 'Emotionally Healthy Leader' have helped me see how important it is that my ‘being’ (my inner life) is more important than, and precedes, my ‘doing’ (my outer life).

“God opened my eyes to see that I was a human being, not a human doing.”

“ When we devote ourselves to reaching the world for Christ while ignoring our own emotional and spiritual health, our leadership is short-sighted at best” .

The Emotionally Healthy Leader: Peter Scazzero

Both the ‘inner’ and ‘outer’ Malc sought God’s loving transformation, but getting the order right became an important thing for me whilst on sabbatical.

Through reading and prayer and fellowship, I heard how God wants a loving, deepening relationship with me first … before any ‘ministry’ I may be gifted in. It was as though I was hearing that the best I can offer to people in life and ministry is the quality of my own relationship with God, and the quality of my relationship with myself.

That might sound a bit strange. But space and time to slow down with God did involve God going down into the basement and back rooms of my life! What we found there we examined together. Understanding how and why we react to circumstances and people around us the way we do is connected to our emotional health.

For me, bringing things into the open before God - my fears and worries - wasn’t always easy. But it was healing and liberating. I felt so much more of God’s amazing love for me personally. And I felt stronger because of it. Sorting out inner emotions and issues can lead to growing up spiritually.

And so I felt sabbatical allowed me the space to do this.

I was challenged and blessed.

I feel a greater sense of wanting to honour and please God. I want to take the time in the day-to-day to be transformed by the very truths I look to share with others. As someone has said, “Your being with God (or lack of being with God) will trump, eventually, your doing for God every time. We cannot give what we do not possess. We cannot help but give what we do possess."

Since returning to St Michael's, I have felt a deeper sense of God’s grip on my life, and an inner peace and sense of his presence that I hope will remain! I feel more able to listen to God and pace myself and my work to His leading and plans!

I came back to life and ministry in Bishop’s Cleeve with much joy and love for our church family here. I look forward to working with others to help transform lives through Christ’s love.